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Dinosaur jokes #24

Filed at 10:06 am under Dinosaur jokes by admin

Q: Why didn’t the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors?

A: Because she had no guts!

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Computer jokes #108

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Customer: “How do I print my voicemail?”

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College jokes #51

Filed at 6:06 am under College jokes by admin

What do you get if you cross a student and an alien ?

Something from another universe -ity !

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E-mail jokes #22

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How do sheep sign their e-mails?

Ewes sincerely.

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Divorce jokes #19

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A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself. “Sorry, he doesn’t live here anymore, we’re divorced!”

Next day, the guy does the same thing with the same results. He does this everyday for a week, and finally his ex-wife realizes who it is that keeps calling.

“Look, Bozo! We’re divorced! Finito! End of story! When are you going to get that through your fat head?”

“Oh, I know! I just can’t hear it enough!”

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Dog jokes #153

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What do you call a sheepdog’s tail that can tell tall stories ?

A shaggy dogs tale !

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Vampire jokes #66

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Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing?

He could really get into the vaultz.

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Doctor and nurse jokes #108

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Doctor, Doctor I’ve just swallowed a pen

Well sit down and write your name!

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Knock Knock jokes #243

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Knock Knock

Who’s there !

Arnie !

Arnie who !

Arnie having fun ?

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Humor jokes #130

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Terry and Debbie were camping with their parents deep in the woods.

‘How far is it to town?’ Terry wanted to know.

‘Six miles,’ said Debbie.

‘That’s too far to walk,’ Terry replied.

‘It’s not too bad,’ Debbie said. ‘We can each walk three miles!’

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Fishing jokes #84

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What kind of money do fishermen make ?

Net profits !

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Aviation jokes #82

Filed at 12:06 pm under Aviation jokes by admin

ATC: “Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions? ”

Cessna: “To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating.”

ATC: “I meant in the next five minutes not years.”

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Birthday jokes #52

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Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday.

How lovely!

Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mum’s too frightened he’ll break it!

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Money jokes #54

Filed at 8:06 am under Money jokes by admin

Why are diapers like $10 bills?

Because you have to change them.

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Business jokes #63

Filed at 6:06 am under Business jokes by admin

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.

“I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.”

“Excuse me?” the accountant said.

“I worry about a lot of things,” the man said. “But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.”

“I see,” the accountant said. “And how much does the job pay?”

“I’ll start you at eighty thousand.”

“Eighty thousand dollars!” the accountant exclaimed. “How can such a small business afford a sum like that?”

“That,” the owner said, “is your first worry.”

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Heaven and hell jokes #40

Filed at 4:06 am under Heaven and hell jokes by admin

So this trumpet player dies. When he reaches is everlasting reward, the guy in the robe says, “You’re going to spend eternity with this combo, okay? There’s a bass player named ‘Mingus’ and a pianist named ‘Monk’, and any day now we expect this ‘Blakey’ guy to show up with his drums.”

“Wow!” the guy says, “I never imagined heaven would be this good.”

The man in the robe says, “This is hell, not heaven. There’s a girl singer.”

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