Q: Where do you look for blonde’s obituaries?

A: Under “Home Improvements.”

A psychologist returned from a confrence in Aspen lodge, where all the psychologists were permited to ski for free. Her husband asked her, “How it went?”. She replied, “Fine, but I’ve never seen so many Freudians slips.”

Cat: “What did you get him for his birthday?”

Dog: “Pant . . . pant!”

Cat: “Great . . . he needs a pair of pants!”

What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus?

You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves!

What do you call a thick-skinned aardvark?

A hardvark!

Why do witches have stiff joints ?

They get broomatism !

Who has the most dangerous job in Transylvania?

Dracula’s dentist.

How do you make a rabbit fast?

Don’t feed it.

How do hurricanes see?

-With one eye

Where do astronauts leave their spaceships ?

At parking meteors !

Teacher: You’re new here aren’t you, what’s your name?

Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith

The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife.

The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out.

Well,” the man began, “I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said ‘Yes.’ Then I asked her ‘why ?’ She replied, ‘Because I love you’.”

Q: What is a bellybutton for?

A: It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.

Another flight Attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”

Why is Dick Clark a favourite star with horses?

Because he was a disk jockey from Filly!

What are the hottest days during summer?

Sun-days

Doctor, doctor, I keep dreaming there are great, gooey, bug-eyed monsters playing tiddley winks under my bed.

What shall I do?

Hide the tiddley winks.

Knock Knock

Who’s there !

Cellar !

Cellar who ?

Cellar. No, I think she can be repaired !

A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family. Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted.

“Darling, it was just a shark,” said his wife when he came to.

“You’ve got to stop imagining that there are lawyers everywhere.”

How did the aliens hurt the farmer?

They trod on his corn.

What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?

A dressmaker sews what she gathers, a farmer gathers what he sows.

Q: Why did the blonde make love in the microwave?

A: She wanted to have a baby in 9 minutes.

Teacher: Name four members of the cat family

Pupil: Daddy cat, mummy cat and two kittens !

What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog ?

Dingo Starr !

When does a horse talk on the phone?

Whinny wants to!