What did the baby dolphin do when he didn’t get his way?

He whale-d

Knock Knock

Who’s there !

Canon !

Canon who ?

Canon open the door then ?

A University had advertised for two biologists to help in their mammalogy department, specifically with a group of captive grizzly bears. They had only two applicants - a beautiful young women biologist and an older male biologist.

The mammalogist in charge of the project knew that not everyone can handle working with such fierce creatures so he decided to test their skills with the bears. The two hopefuls followed him out to the bear pen. He first asked the young women to show him what she could do.

She entered the cage, stripped down to her bikini, and the largest bear walked up and nuzzled her bare legs. The astonished mammalogist then said to the old man, “Can you do that?”

“You’re darn right I can,” said the old man, “just get that bear out of there first !”

While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not. I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, “I wonder why?”

The blonde replied, “Must be because the oil would suffocate them.”

What do fishermen say on Halloween?

“Trick-or-trout!”

Q: How many Geminis does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Two, but the job never gets done — they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it’s supposed to be done!

What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper?

A slippery customer.

What kind of cat should you take into the desert ?

A first aid kitty !

What is hail ?

Hard boiled rain !

A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first
child.

After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife’s stomach with indelible ink. The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was.

In very tiny letters, the stamp said, “When you can read this, come back and see me.”

Q: What is the smartest thing that can come out of a blonde’s mouth?

A: Einstein’s dick.

YO momma so fat that they had to install speed bumps at all you can eat buffet

It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfectsalute, and snapped out, “Sir, Good Evening, Sir!”

The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said “Good evening soldier, nice night, isn’t it?”

Well it wasn’t a nice night, but the Private wasn’t going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied, “Sir, Yes Sir!”

The General continued, “You know there’s something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it’s really relaxing. Don’t you agree?”

The Private didn’t agree, but then the private was just a private, and responded, “Sir, Yes Sir!”

The General, pointing at the dog, “This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train.”

The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again, and said, “Sir, Yes Sir!”

The General continued “I got this dog for my wife.”

The Private simply said, “Good trade, Sir!”

A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish.

One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor used his fishing scales.

The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz..

What do you call a cow with no front legs?

Lean Beef

Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint?

A: It’s not real bright, but it’s cheap, and spreads easy.

What do you call a frog spy ?

A croak and dagger agent !

Knock Knock

Who’s there !

Beppe !

Beppe who ?

Beppe Le Pew !

Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!

Q: Why are cowgirls bowlegged?

A: Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.

Was the principal’s brother really a missionary?

He certainly was. He gave the people of the Cannibal Islands their first taste of Christianity !

What do you get if you cross a constable with a computer?

PC Plod.

How does a pig write home?

With a pig pen.

What dog has money?

A bloodhound, because he is always picking up scents (cents).

Q.) What would you call a bunch of blondes stacked on top of each other?

A.) An air mattress.