Filed at 10:06 pm under Cowboy jokes by admin
Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church.
“When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral,” Joe began.
“You mean the parking lot,” interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow.
“I walked up the trail to the door,” Joe continued.
“The sidewalk to the door,” Charlie corrected him.
“Inside the door, I was met by this dude,” Joe went on.
“That would be the usher,” Charlie explained.
“Well, the usher led me down the chute,” Joe said.
“You mean the aisle,” Charlie said.
“Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there,” Joe continued.
“Pew,” Charlie retorted.
“Yeah,” recalled Joe. “That’s what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her.”
Filed at 8:06 pm under Biologist jokes by admin
Garvin the mammalogist, was in Alaska studying polar bear. In sub-zero weather, he would spend 7 days out on the ice. But, after his 7 days in the field, he would return to the small town and spend a day or two resting up and drinking in the only bar in town.
On one particular day it was 40 below zero and Garvin made his way into the bar. He asked Bud, the bartender, for a whiskey.
“I don’t know, Garvin, you sure have run-up a big bill in here.” The bartender told him.
” I know,” Garvin replied, “But I’m flat broke, and I sure could use a drink.”
“OK,” The barkeep told him, “I’ll just write your tab down on the piece of paper and pin it up here by the coat rack.”
“Oh no, don’t do that, I don’t want everyone in town to see it.”
“Don’t worry,” The bartender replied, “I’m going to cover it up with your parka until its paid!”
Filed at 6:06 pm under Blonde jokes by admin
Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
Filed at 4:06 pm under Bed jokes by admin
Why do people go to bed?
Because the bed won’t come to them.
Filed at 2:06 pm under Yo momma jokes by admin
Yo mama is so fat…that she broke a branch in her family tree!
Filed at 12:06 pm under Cannibal jokes by admin
How can you help a starving cannibal?
Give them a hand !
Filed at 10:06 am under Yo momma jokes by admin
Yo Mama’s so fat that when she sits on the beach, whales swim up to her and sing “We are family…!”
Filed at 8:06 am under Computer jokes by admin
What is an astronaut’s favorite key on a computer keyboard?
The space bar.
Filed at 6:06 am under Mental health jokes by admin
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?” The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a lightbulb.” The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2’s face is going all red.
The doctor asks Patient #1, “If he’s your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself” Patient #1 replies, “What? And work in the dark?”
Filed at 2:06 am under Yo momma jokes by admin
yo mama so stupid..she sits on the t.v and watches the couch
Filed at 12:06 am under Travel and tourist jokes by admin
A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?”
Filed at 10:06 pm under Knock Knock jokes by admin
Knock Knock
Who’s there !
Belize !
Belize who ?
Belize yourself then !
Filed at 8:06 pm under Various animal jokes by admin
Why is a reindeer like a gossip ?
Because they are both tail bearers !
Filed at 6:06 pm under Old age jokes by admin
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, “You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.” The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.
“This recession’s really putting a big dent in my income,” he told them. “From now on, I’ll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.”
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
“Look,” he said, “I haven’t received my Social Security check yet, so I’m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?”
“A lousy quarter?” the drum leader exclaimed. “If you think we’re going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you’re nuts! No way, mister. We quit!”
And the old man enjoyed peace.
Filed at 4:06 pm under Mental health jokes by admin
What do you know when you see three rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats?
You know you need a psychiatrist!
Filed at 2:06 pm under Police jokes by admin
This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over.
“You got any I.D.?” the patrolman asked.”
“‘Bout what?” the hillbilly replied.
Filed at 12:06 pm under Brother and sister jokes by admin
Knock Knock
Who’s there !
Brother !
Brother who ?
Brother-ation, I’ve forgotten your name !
Filed at 10:06 am under Ghost jokes by admin
Who did the ghost invite to his party?
Anyone he could dig up.
Filed at 8:06 am under School jokes by admin
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of
Pupil: Life imprisonment !
Filed at 4:06 am under Car and train jokes by admin
What did the big carburettor say to the little carburettor?
“Don’t inhale so fast or you’ll choke.”
Filed at 2:06 am under Lawyer jokes by admin
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
Filed at 12:06 am under Parent jokes by admin
Son: What is an autobiography?
Father: Er, the story of an automobile.
Filed at 10:06 pm under Aviation jokes by admin
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!”
Filed at 6:06 pm under Knock Knock jokes by admin
Knock Knock
Who’s there !
Castro !
Castro who ?
Castro bread upon the waters !
Filed at 4:06 pm under Waiter jokes by admin
Diner: Waitress, the portions are getting smaller.
Waiter: It’s just an optical illusion. It’s just that the restaurant has been enlarged.
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