What sort of perfume do snakes prefer ?

Poison by Christian Dior !

There’s a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It’s called Monday.

Yo mama’s so stupid she can’t pass a blood test.

Father Christmas: All right, my good lady, my face is my ticket.

Box office attendant: Then you’d better watch out… there’s a feller inside who has the job of punching the tickets.

A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling, “You dumb blonde bimbo! It’s blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I’d come out there and give you what’s coming to you!”

What is a vampire’s favorite sport?

Batminton.

Q: How can you tell the difference between all the banjo songs?

A: By their names.

Boy: What’s the biggest ant in the world?

Girl: My Aunt

Boy: No, it’s an elephant.

Girl: You obviously haven’t met my Aunt

What do you call a cat wearing shoes ?

Puss in boots !

Good news! I’ve been given a goldfish for my birthday. . .the bad news is that I don’t get the bowl until my next birthday!

What happened to the man who put his false teeth in backwards?

He ate himself!

Why do vampires hate arguments?

Because they make themselves cross.

My teacher reminds me of history She’s always repeating herself !

Why was the moth so unpopular ?
He kept
picking holes in everything !

Whats the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

How can you make a soup rich?

Add 14 carrots (carats) to it.

Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

What did the elephant say when it saw the Chihuahuas coming down the road?

Look out for the mice!

Knock Knock

Who’s there !

Chair !

Chair who?

Chair you go again, asking more questions !

What did the elephant say to the famous detective ?

It’s ele-mentary, my dear Sherlock !

What’s another name for an parent?

Someone who’s stopped growing except around the waist.

First Boy: Why is your brother always flying off the handle ?

Second Boy: Because he’s got a screw loose !

What do you get if you cross a plum with a man eating monster?

A purple people eater.

Q: What is 74 to a blonde?

A: 69 plus VAT

Why do we paint Easter eggs?

Because it’s easier than trying to wallpaper them!