Filed at 10:06 pm under Blonde jokes by admin
Q: How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash?
A: She’s the one on her bike.
Filed at 8:06 pm under Aviation jokes by admin
How does the captain know the aircraft is safely at the ramp?
Both the engines and the co-pilot stop whining.
Filed at 6:06 pm under Computer jokes by admin
After a caller gave a technician her PC’s serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, “I see you have an Aptiva” desktop unit. Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she’d be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: “Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe.”
Filed at 4:06 pm under Computer jokes by admin
After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady repute, the luckless customer unpacked his new toy and plugged it in to find it Dead On Arrival. Naturally, after checking the usual things, he called the dealer and explained his problem.
First question from Deviously Evasive Dealer: “Did you check to see whether the power was on?”
“Of course.”
DED: “Did you open the cover and check whether any of the boards had shaken loose in shipping?”
“Of course.”
DED: “Then why are you calling me?”
“Well, you sold it to me and there has to be some kind of warranty,” pleaded the frustrated purchaser.
“Of course there is,” replied the DED, “But you voided the warranty when you opened the cover. There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don’t believe this to be a coincidence.”
Filed at 2:06 pm under Sport jokes by admin
How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden ?
Hide the ball, it drives them nuts !
Filed at 12:06 pm under Doctor and nurse jokes by admin
Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.
Filed at 10:06 am under Various animal jokes by admin
What happens when sharks take their clothes off ?
They go sharkers !
Filed at 8:06 am under Bird jokes by admin
What do Scottish owls sing?
Owld Lang Syne.
Filed at 6:06 am under Men jokes by admin
Q. How does a man show he’s planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Filed at 4:06 am under Heaven and hell jokes by admin
Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3′4″, dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.
The voice of the Devil was heard, “Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!” And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.
This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7′ tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her.
The voice of the Devil was heard, “Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!” And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off.
Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of … Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Bob jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying:
“Cindy, you have sinned.”
Filed at 2:06 am under Yo momma jokes by admin
Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, no professionals.”
Filed at 12:06 am under Dog jokes by admin
A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, “My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for it?”
“Well,” said the vet “let’s have a look at him” The vet picks the dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes.
“Well,” says the vet “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“Just because he’s cross-eyed?” say’s the man.
“No, because he’s heavy,” says the vet.
Filed at 10:06 pm under Blonde jokes by admin
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.
The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn’t hear anything from the blondes upstairs.
She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead. She says, ‘What the heck’s goin’ on up here? We’re havin’ a grand time downstairs!’
One of the blondes looks up and says, ‘Yeah, but you’ve got a driver!’
Filed at 8:06 pm under Frog jokes by admin
Where do you get frogs eggs ?
At the spawn shop !
Filed at 6:06 pm under Humor jokes by admin
Where did the fortune-teller go on her vacation?
To Palm Beach.
Filed at 4:06 pm under Sport jokes by admin
How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?
Hide the ball, it drives them nuts!
Filed at 2:06 pm under College jokes by admin
“Professor, I hear your wife has had twins. Boys or girls?”
“Well, I believe one is a girl and one is a boy but it may be the other way around.”
Filed at 12:06 pm under Internet jokes by admin
If doors have a website shouldn’t windows have one too?
We’d better, or it will be curtains for us.
Filed at 10:06 am under Divorce jokes by admin
The divorce court was attentive as the wealthy Yuppette complained to the Judge that her husband had left her bed and board. When she had finished, the husband’s lawyer rose to his feet and coolly replied, “Your Honor, I have a slight correction in the typing of the charging documents. My client claims that he left her bed ‘bored’.”
Filed at 8:06 am under Elephant jokes by admin
What kind of elephants live in Antartica ?
Cold ones !
Filed at 6:06 am under Men jokes by admin
Q: What’s the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
Filed at 4:06 am under Bed jokes by admin
Mother: Did you make your bed today?
Daughter: Yes, Mom, but I think it would be easier to buy one.
Filed at 2:06 am under Christmas jokes by admin
What game do reindeer play in their stalls?
Stable-tennis!
Filed at 12:06 am under Blonde jokes by admin
Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
A: Some traffic signs say stop.
Filed at 6:06 pm under Horse jokes by admin
Where do you take a sick horse?
To the Horspital!
Next »
