Blonde jokes #204

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Q. What do you call a blonde who dies her hair brown?

A. Artificial intelligence.

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Various animal jokes #108

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Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan?

He got cut off without a scent!

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Knock Knock jokes #213

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Knock Knock

Who’s there !

Alice !

Alice who ?

Alice N. Tew if you’ll listen to me !

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Horse jokes #56

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What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse?

A tale of whoa!

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Marriage jokes #111

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Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.

“Well,” says the old fellow, “I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves.”

The policeman looks at the old man and says, “You shouldn’t be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!”

So the old man says, “I know! I’m crying because I don’t remember where I live!”

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Cow jokes #89

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Where do Russian cows come from?

Moscow!

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Face jokes #19

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Why did the pig have ink all over his face?

Because it came out of the pen.

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Doctor and nurse jokes #90

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Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an insect spinning around.

Don’t worry, it’s just a bug that’s going around!

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School jokes #136

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Mother: Does your teacher like you ?

Son: Like me, she loves me. Look at all those X’s on my test paper !

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Dirty jokes #193

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A male market researcher was calling on homes on behalf of Vaseline. A woman answered the door.

“Do you use Vaseline?” asked the researcher.

“Certainly,” she said. “It’s very good for cuts, grazes and burns.”

“And what about anything else?” he asked.

“Like what?”

He became embarrassed. “Well, sex, maybe.”

“Oh, of course.” she said. “I smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep my husband out.”

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Blonde jokes #203

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A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area.

The blonde exclaimed, “Wow! I can’t believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway!”

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Christmas jokes #65

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A rabbit’s favourite Christmas song?

‘Lettuce with a gladsome mind’

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Music jokes #95

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Q: How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Only one, but they’ll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation.

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Dog jokes #131

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Why is a dog like a baseball player?

He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.

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Sport jokes #82

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Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games?

So that they can pack the defence!

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Computer jokes #97

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Q: What’s the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?

A: The car salesman can probably drive!

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Elephant jokes #61

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What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming ?

Here come the elephants

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Blind jokes #16

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Q: How did a blind man get poke marks on his face?

A: Learning to eat with a fork.

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Gorilla jokes #39

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Do you know a favourite expression used by the Gorillas?

Apesy daisy!

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Dog jokes #130

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The front door was accidentally left open and our dog was gone. After unsuccessfully whistling and calling, my husband got in the car and went looking for him. He drove around the neigbourhood for some time with no luck. Finally he stopoed beside a couple out for a walk and asked if they had seen our dog.

“You mean the one following your car?” they asked.

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Dirty jokes #192

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The president got off the helicopter in front of the White House with a baby hog under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “Nice pigs, sir”.

The president replied, “These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback hogs. I got one for Hillary and I got one for Chelsea.”

The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, “Nice trade, sir.”

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Birthday jokes #41

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How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday?

He has a whale of a party!

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Dead and dying jokes #39

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Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea?

Pupil: Dead ?, I didn’t even know he was sick !

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Spelling jokes #22

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“Please, ma’am! How do you spell ichael?”

The teacher was rather bewildered. “Don’t you mean Michael?”

she asked. “No, ma’am. I’ve written the ‘M’ already.”

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Snake jokes #37

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What’s a snake’s favourite food ?

Hiss Cakes !

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