Knock Knock

Who’s there !

Boris !

Boris who ?

Boris with more knock knock jokes !

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?

A1: Thanks Guys.

A2: Are you boys all in the same band?

A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

A bloke walks into a pub, and asks for a pint of Adenosinetriphosphate. The barman says “That’ll be 80p [ATP]!”

What looks like half a cat ?

The other half !

Mrs. Dugan and Mrs. Riley were talking one day about Mr. Riley and his constant drinking. Mrs. Dugan said, “I have an idea about how to stop him from spending so much time at the pub. Every night he comes home through the cemetery. One night you should get disguised and spook him when he comes staggering through.”

So Mrs. Riley waited in the cemetery one night until she heard her husband coming. She jumped up and a startled Riley said, “Who are you??”

Mrs. Riley replied, “I am the devil!”

With that, Riley shook her hand and said, “Glad to meet ya, I’m married to your sister.”

Yo Mama’s so fat she uses an air balloon for parachute.

“May I take your order?” the waiter asked.

“Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?”

“Nothing special sir,” he replied. “We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”

Why is money called dough?

Because we all knead it.

What should you call a polite, friendly, kind, good looking monster?

A failure.

Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant’s toes?

A: Slow clowns.

The police are looking for a thief with one eye

Why don’t they use two?

Q: Why did the dog cross the road?

A: Because it was the chickens day off.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

“How long have you been having this phantasy?”

Ned: What does your Dad sell ?

Ed: Salt.

Ned: Well, my dad is a salt seller, too.

Ed: Shake.

Q: How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: “Nobody said I needed doubles on that!”

What is big hairy and can fly ?

King Kongcorde !

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?

A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years?

Pete.

Why do hamburgers make poor pigeons?

They won’t talk no matter how you grill them!

Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?!

Stick your foot out and trip it up!

Wife: Who was that on the phone?

Husband: Wrong number. Some guy thought this was the weather bureau.

Wife: What did he say?

Husband: He asked if the coast was clear…

“Tell me,” said the hiker to the local farmer, “will this pathway take me to the main road?”

“No, sir,” replied the farmer, “you’ll have to go by yourself!”

What game do tornadoes like to play?

Twister

Why did Dracula miss lunch?

Because he didn’t fancy the stake.

“Were any famous men born on your birthday?”

“No, only little babies.”