Beauty jokes #26

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What did the really ugly man do for a living ?

He posed for Halloween masks !

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Beauty jokes #25

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She’s so ugly that when a wasp stings her it shuts its eyes.

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Beauty jokes #24

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Monster: I’m so ugly.

Ghost: It’s not that bad!

Monster: It is! When my grandfather was born they passed out cigars. When my father was born they just passed out cigarettes. When I was born they simply passed out.

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Beauty jokes #23

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I’ve just come back from the beauty parlour.

Pity it was closed!

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Beauty jokes #22

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A little boy came running into the kitchen.

‘Dad, dad’ he said, ‘there’s a monster at the door with a really ugly face’

‘Tell him you’ve already got one,’ said his father

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Beauty jokes #21

Filed at 2:06 pm under Beauty jokes by admin

Two teenage boys were talking in the classroom. One said, ‘I took my girlfriend to see ‘The bride of Dracula’ last night.’

‘Oh yeah,’ said the other, ‘ what was she like?’

‘Well she was about six foot six, white as a ghost and she had big red staring eyes and fangs.’

The other said, ‘Yes, but what was ‘The Bride of Dracula’ like?’

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Beauty jokes #20

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Don’t look out of the window, Betty, people will think it’s Halloween.

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Beauty jokes #19

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People keep telling me I’m beautiful. What vivid imaginations some people have.

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Beauty jokes #18

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A woman went to a sweet store to buy some sweets.

The boy behind the counter said “Gosh, your ugly aren’t you?, I’ve never seen anyone so hideous as you before”

“Young man” she replied. ” I didn’t come here to be insulted”

“Really”, he said, “Where do you usually go ?”

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Beauty jokes #17

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A monster went to the doctor with a branch growing out of his head.

“Hmmm,” said the doctor. “I’ve no idea what it is.”

The next week the branch was covered in leaves and blossom.

“I’m stumped,” said the doctor, “but you can try taking these pills.”

When the monster came back a month later the branch had grown into a tree, and just a few weeks later he developed a small pond, surrounded by trees and bushes, all of them on top of his head.

“Ah!” said the doctor, “I know what it is. You’ve got a beauty spot.”

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Beauty jokes #16

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What is yellow and goes click-click?

A ball-point banana.

Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get older?

Wizard: With luck, yes.

Witch:

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Beauty jokes #15

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Did you hear about the girl monster who wasn’t pretty and wasn’t ugly ?

She was pretty ugly

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Beauty jokes #14

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Last night I dreamt I was dancing with the most beautiful girl in the world What was I wearing ?

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Beauty jokes #13

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Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance ?

Man: It did for a while - then it fell off.

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Beauty jokes #12

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First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday. I was there for three hours.

Second Witch: Oh, what did you have done?

First witch: Nothing, I was just going in for an estimate.

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Beauty jokes #11

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“My boyfriend says I look like a dishy Italian!”said Miss Conceited.

”Then he’s right said her little brother.”Sophia Loren?”

”No-spaghetti!”

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Beauty jokes #10

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Where is everyone beautiful?

In the dark.

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Beauty jokes #9

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First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that’s vanity?

Second girl: No, it’s imagination.

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Beauty jokes #8

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She’s the kind of girl that boys look at twice - they can’t believe it the first time.

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Beauty jokes #7

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What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter?

The producer said she had the perfect face for radio.

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Beauty jokes #6

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I don’t think these photographs you’ve taken do me justice.

You don’t want justice - you want mercy !

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Beauty jokes #5

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I’m not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased!

But that’s the problem - you don’t please anyone.

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Beauty jokes #4

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Mrs Saggy: Mrs Wrinkly tried to have a facelift last week.

Mrs Baggy: Tried to?

Mrs Saggy: Yes, they couldn’t find a crane strong enough to lift her face!

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Beauty jokes #3

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Fred: What’s that terribly ugly thing on your shoulders?

Harry: Help! What is it?

Fred: Your head!

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Beauty jokes #2

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Who won the Monster Beauty Contest?

No one.

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