What do tigers wear in bed ?

Stripey pyjamas !

Why did the man take a pencil to bed ?

To draw the curtains !

What is the softest bed for a baby to sleep on?

Cot-on-wool.

A little boy came downstairs crying late one night.

“What’s wrong?” asked his mother.

“Do people really come from dust, like they said in church?” he sobbed.

“In a way they do,” said his mother.

“And when they die so they turn back to dust?”

“Yes, they do.” The little boy began to cry again. “Well, under my bed there’s someone either coming or going.”

Why does your brother wear a life jacket in bed?

Because he sleeps on a waterbed !

Why shouldn’t you believe a person in bed?

Because he is lying.

Counselor: How many times did I tell you to make your bed?

Jane: I can’t answer. I didn’t know I was supposed to keep count!

When is your mind like a rumpled bed?

When it isn’t made up yet.

Why did the girl take a ruler to bed?

She wanted to see how long she slept.

Mother: Did you make your bed today?

Daughter: Yes, Mom, but I think it would be easier to buy one.

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.

What should you do if you find a snake in your bed?

Sleep in the wardrobe.

What do you call a python with a great bedside manner?

A snake charmer.

Father: Why did you put a toad in your sister’s bed?

Son: I couldn’t find a spider.

Why did the bed spread?

Because it saw the pillow slip.

Two friends who lived in the town were chatting.

“I’ve just bought a pig,” said the first.

“But where will you keep it?” said the second.

“Your yard’s much too small for a pig!”

“I’m going to keep it under my bed,” replied his friend.

“But what about the smell?”

“He’ll soon get used to that.”

Why are rivers lazy?

Because they never get off their beds.

Sonny: I can’t sleep. What should I do?

Counselor: Lie near the edge of the bed. That way you’ll be sure to drop off!

Doctor, doctor, I’m having difficulty sleeping.

Doctor: Well maybe it’s your bed.

Oh, I’m all right at night, it’s in the day I have problems.

When does a bed grow longer?

At night, because two feet are added to it.

Why did the composer spend all his time in bed?

He wrote sheet music.

Witch: Doctor, doctor, I don’t feel well.

Doctor: Don’t worry, you’ll just have to go to bed for a spell.

I was once in a play called Breakfast In Bed.

Did you have a big role?

No, just toast and marmalade.

Knock Knock

Who’s there !

Bed !

Bed who ?

Bed you can’t guess who I am!

A neighbour bumped into Jenny playing outside her house after dark.

‘Hello, Jenny,’ said the neighbour. ‘Isn’t it time for little girls to be in bed?’

‘How would I know?’ asked Jenny. ‘I haven’t got any little girls.’