Bed jokes #35

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Why shouldn’t you believe a person in bed?

Because he is lying.

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Bed jokes #34

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Counselor: How many times did I tell you to make your bed?

Jane: I can’t answer. I didn’t know I was supposed to keep count!

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Bed jokes #33

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When is your mind like a rumpled bed?

When it isn’t made up yet.

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Bed jokes #32

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Why did the girl take a ruler to bed?

She wanted to see how long she slept.

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Bed jokes #31

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Mother: Did you make your bed today?

Daughter: Yes, Mom, but I think it would be easier to buy one.

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Bed jokes #30

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What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.

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Bed jokes #29

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What should you do if you find a snake in your bed?

Sleep in the wardrobe.

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Bed jokes #28

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What do you call a python with a great bedside manner?

A snake charmer.

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Bed jokes #27

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Father: Why did you put a toad in your sister’s bed?

Son: I couldn’t find a spider.

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Bed jokes #26

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Why did the bed spread?

Because it saw the pillow slip.

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Bed jokes #25

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Two friends who lived in the town were chatting.

“I’ve just bought a pig,” said the first.

“But where will you keep it?” said the second.

“Your yard’s much too small for a pig!”

“I’m going to keep it under my bed,” replied his friend.

“But what about the smell?”

“He’ll soon get used to that.”

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Bed jokes #24

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Why are rivers lazy?

Because they never get off their beds.

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Bed jokes #23

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Sonny: I can’t sleep. What should I do?

Counselor: Lie near the edge of the bed. That way you’ll be sure to drop off!

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Bed jokes #22

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Doctor, doctor, I’m having difficulty sleeping.

Doctor: Well maybe it’s your bed.

Oh, I’m all right at night, it’s in the day I have problems.

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Bed jokes #21

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When does a bed grow longer?

At night, because two feet are added to it.

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Bed jokes #20

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Why did the composer spend all his time in bed?

He wrote sheet music.

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Bed jokes #19

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Witch: Doctor, doctor, I don’t feel well.

Doctor: Don’t worry, you’ll just have to go to bed for a spell.

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Bed jokes #18

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I was once in a play called Breakfast In Bed.

Did you have a big role?

No, just toast and marmalade.

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Bed jokes #17

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Knock Knock

Who’s there !

Bed !

Bed who ?

Bed you can’t guess who I am!

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Bed jokes #16

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A neighbour bumped into Jenny playing outside her house after dark.

‘Hello, Jenny,’ said the neighbour. ‘Isn’t it time for little girls to be in bed?’

‘How would I know?’ asked Jenny. ‘I haven’t got any little girls.’

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Bed jokes #15

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Three boys were sharing the same bed on holiday, but it was so crowded that one of them decided to sleep on the floor. After a while, one of his friends told him he might as well get in to bed again. There’s lots of room now,’ he said.

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Bed jokes #14

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What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on ?

A horse !

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Bed jokes #13

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I woke up, went for a walk, my head fell off and rolled away. I picked it up and put it on. A child walked up to me and said: “Good grief, where are your feet?”

I must have left them in bed !

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Bed jokes #12

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You can’t have any more chocolates tonight. It’s not good for you to go to bed on a full stomach.

Oh, Mum. I promise I’ll lay on my side.

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Bed jokes #11

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Why do people go to bed?

Because the bed won’t come to them.

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