“Lie flat on your backs, class, and circle your feet in the air as if you were riding your bikes,” said the gym teacher.

“Fred! What are you doing? Move your feet, boy.”

“I’m freewheeling, sir.”

What is a ghost-proof bicycle?

One with no spooks in it.

Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people’s arms off?

It was a vicious cycle.

What’s the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle?

The road.

What did the silly boy take his bicycle to bed with him?

Because he didn’t want to walk in his sleep.

What do you get if you cross a chemical and a bicycle ?

Bike carbonate of soda !

Q: Why do bikes have kick-stands?

A: Because they’re two-tired.

Why can’t an elephant ride a bicycle?

Because he doesn’t have a thumb to ring the bell.

Jack and Jill were riding a tandem up a hill, but making heavy weather of it.

At the top, Jack said: ‘I didn’t think we’d make it!’

Jill replied, ‘Nor did I - what a good thing I kept the brakes on, or we’d have slid all the way back down!’

The cyclist, passing a pedestrian crossing, runs into a man, and they both fall down.

“Geez, are you lucky.” The cyclist says.

“What do you mean by lucky ?” The pedestrian angrily asks. “I got hurt really bad.”

“Ah, you’re lucky because I recently lost my license. I usually drive a bus.”

What do you call a woman with a bicycle on her head?

Petal !

Our bank manager can’t ride a bike any more.

Why not?

He lost his balance.

I went on a long bicycle ride yesterday.

Farcical?

Q: How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.

Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks.

‘Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!’

A little boy out riding his bicycle knocked down an old lady. She was a bit shaken, but got up, dusted herself off, then turned to the little boy and said, ‘Don’t you know how to ride a bike?’

‘Yes,’ he answered, ‘but I don’t know how to ring the bell yet’

While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. “What’s in the bags?”, asked the guard.

“Sand,” said the cyclist.

“Get them off - we’ll take a look,” said the guard.

The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border.

Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.

A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. “Say friend, you sure had us crazy”, said the guard. “We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won’t say a word - but what is it you were smuggling?”

“Bicycles!”

When is a bicycle not a bicycle?

When it turns into a driveway.

My dog is a nuisance. He chases everyone on a bicycle.

What can I do?

Take his bike away.

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up for itself?

Because it was two-tyred.

Which Elizabethan sailor could stop bikes ?

Sir Francis Brake !

The school teacher was furious when Brad knocked him down with his new bicycle in the school yard.

“Don’t you know how to ride that yet?” he roared.

“Oh yes!” shouted Brad over his shoulder.

“It’s the bell I can’t work yet.”

What did the bicycle call its dad?

Pop-cycle

What do you get if you cross a bike and a rose ?

Bicycle petals !

Romeo: Your cheeks are like petals.

Juliet: Really?

Romeo: Yes, bicycle pedals.