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Birthday jokes #53

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Did you hear about the time Eddy’s sister tried to make a birthday cake ?

The candles melted in the oven.

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Birthday jokes #52

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Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday.

How lovely!

Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mum’s too frightened he’ll break it!

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Birthday jokes #51

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“Were any famous men born on your birthday?”

“No, only little babies.”

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Birthday jokes #50

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Why does the monster act wild and crazy on his birthday?

He’s trying to age disgracefully!

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Birthday jokes #49

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The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.

‘Excuse me for disturbing you, ma’am,’ he said politely, ‘ but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I’ve noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread!’

‘That’s right.’

‘Every day you wallop him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were hitting him with a chocolate cake….?’

‘Well, today is his birthday!’

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Birthday jokes #48

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Did you hear about the tree’s birthday?

It was a sappy one!

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Birthday jokes #47

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“This birthday cake certainly is crunchy.”

“Maybe you should spit out the plate!”

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Birthday jokes #46

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Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday.

Betty: That was a kind thought. But why didn’t you?

Fred: I couldn’t find one big enough for your nose.

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Birthday jokes #45

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Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday.

Harry: That was a kind thought. But why didn’t you?

Fred: I couldn’t find one big enough for your nose.

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Birthday jokes #44

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Grandma, is it exciting being 99?

It certainly is! If I wasn’t 99 I’d be dead.

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Birthday jokes #43

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A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, “I’ll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday.”

Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn’t get her anything. She says, “Why didn’t you get me a birthday present!?”

He replies, “You didn’t use what I got you last year!”

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Birthday jokes #42

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I’d like to say something nice about you as it’s your birthday.

Why don’t you?

Because I can’t think of a single thing to say!

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Birthday jokes #41

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How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday?

He has a whale of a party!

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Birthday jokes #40

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Why couldn’t prehistoric man send birthday cards?

The stamps kept falling off the rocks!

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Birthday jokes #39

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Fred: Have you noticed that your mother smells a bit funny these days?

Harry: No. Why?

Fred: Well, your sister told me she was giving her a bottle of toilet water for her birthday.

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Birthday jokes #38

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A St. Louis mother telephoned the capital building over in Jefferson City and asked to speak to the game warden. After being switched from office to office, a voice finally said, “Hello.”

“Are you the game warden?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Finally Ah’ve got the right person!” she said. “Could yaw’l gimme some help with my son’s birthday party?”

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