What did the birthday balloon say to the pin?

“Hi, Buster.”

What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow?

A birthday pheasant!

What did you get for your birthday?

Another year!

Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?

Because it was marble cake!

“I’m giving a ’surprised’ birthday party for you.”

“A ’surprised’. birthday party? What’s that?”

“That’s where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them come, I’ll be surprised!”

Why did the fat monster put a candle on his tummy?

He was celebrating his girthday!

“I guess I didn’t get my birthday wish.”

“How do you know?”

“You’re still here!”

“My birthday’s coming”

“Do you know what I need?”

“Yeah, but how do you wrap a life?”

I’ve been shopping for my wife’s birthday present.

What did you get her?

A bottle of expensive toilet water. It cost 20.

20!

Why didn’t you come to my house - you could have had some of ours for free!

Did you hear about the time Eddy’s sister tried to make a birthday cake ?

The candles melted in the oven.

Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday.

How lovely!

Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mum’s too frightened he’ll break it!

“Were any famous men born on your birthday?”

“No, only little babies.”

Why does the monster act wild and crazy on his birthday?

He’s trying to age disgracefully!

The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.

‘Excuse me for disturbing you, ma’am,’ he said politely, ‘ but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I’ve noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread!’

‘That’s right.’

‘Every day you wallop him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were hitting him with a chocolate cake….?’

‘Well, today is his birthday!’

Did you hear about the tree’s birthday?

It was a sappy one!

“This birthday cake certainly is crunchy.”

“Maybe you should spit out the plate!”

Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday.

Betty: That was a kind thought. But why didn’t you?

Fred: I couldn’t find one big enough for your nose.

Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday.

Harry: That was a kind thought. But why didn’t you?

Fred: I couldn’t find one big enough for your nose.

Grandma, is it exciting being 99?

It certainly is! If I wasn’t 99 I’d be dead.

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, “I’ll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday.”

Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn’t get her anything. She says, “Why didn’t you get me a birthday present!?”

He replies, “You didn’t use what I got you last year!”

I’d like to say something nice about you as it’s your birthday.

Why don’t you?

Because I can’t think of a single thing to say!

How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday?

He has a whale of a party!

Why couldn’t prehistoric man send birthday cards?

The stamps kept falling off the rocks!

Fred: Have you noticed that your mother smells a bit funny these days?

Harry: No. Why?

Fred: Well, your sister told me she was giving her a bottle of toilet water for her birthday.

A St. Louis mother telephoned the capital building over in Jefferson City and asked to speak to the game warden. After being switched from office to office, a voice finally said, “Hello.”

“Are you the game warden?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Finally Ah’ve got the right person!” she said. “Could yaw’l gimme some help with my son’s birthday party?”