Filed at 8:06 pm under Car and train jokes by admin
Two wizards in a car were driving along and the police were chasing them for speeding.
One said, “What are we going to do?”
The other replied, “Quick, turn the car into a side street.”
Filed at 6:06 am under Car and train jokes by admin
A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: “I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave.”
At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: “Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove today, you idiot.”
Filed at 6:06 pm under Car and train jokes by admin
Q. What has one horn and gives milk?
A A milk truck.
Filed at 6:06 pm under Car and train jokes by admin
Jill’s car was unreliable and she called John for a ride every time it broke down.
One day John got yet another one of those calls. “What happened this time?” he asked.
“My brakes went out,” Jill said. “Can you come to get me?”
“Where are you?” John asked.
“I’m in the drugstore,” Jill responded.
“And where’s the car?” John asked.
Jill replied, “It’s in here with me.”
Filed at 8:06 am under Car and train jokes by admin
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian customer agent stops them and tells them: “Itsa illegal to putta fiva people ina Quattro.”
“What do you mean it’s illegal?” asked the Englishmen.
“Quattro means four,” replies the Italian official.
“Quattro is just the name of the automobile,” the Englishmen says disbelievingly. “Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons.”
“You can’ta pulla thata one ona me,” replies the Italian customs agent. “Quattro means four. You hava fiva people ina your car and you are therefore breakin’a the law”.
The Englishmen reply angrily, “You idiot! Call your supervisor over We want to speak to someone with more intelligence!”
“Sorry,” responds the Italian official, “he can’ta come”. “He’s a busy with two guys in a Uno”.
Filed at 4:06 am under Car and train jokes by admin
Policeman: Didn’t you see the signs with the speed limit?
Driver: I thought they were just suggestions.
Filed at 12:06 am under Car and train jokes by admin
What would you have if your car’s motor was in flames?
A fire engine.
Filed at 10:06 am under Car and train jokes by admin
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, “Guns don’t kill people. I do.”
Filed at 4:06 pm under Car and train jokes by admin
When I get real bored, I like to drive down town and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I’m leaving.
Filed at 2:06 am under Car and train jokes by admin
Policeman: Why were you asleep at the wheel?
Motorist: Your siren lulled me to sleep.
Filed at 12:06 am under Car and train jokes by admin
A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he’s in need of petrol, the man decides to stop.
He says to the attendant at the station, “Fill it up, will you?”.
The man says “Sorry - we’re right out of petrol.”
So the man considers, and says “Well, I’m a bit low on oil, would you mind topping that up?”
And the attendant responds “Sorry, but no oil either.”
The man thinks, and asks the attendant to wash his windscreen, to which he gets the by-now predictable response that he can’t do that. The man at this point is fairly mad, so he asks the attendant “Just what kind of petrol station is this ?”
The attendant then looks both ways, and very carefully whispers to the man “To tell you the truth, this is just an IRA front.”
The man then says “Well, in that case, you can blow up the tyres !”
Filed at 4:06 pm under Car and train jokes by admin
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers?
Oh good! A chew chew train!
Filed at 8:06 am under Car and train jokes by admin
What is evil and ugly and goes at 125 mph?
A witch in a high speed train.
Filed at 4:06 am under Car and train jokes by admin
A young man comes home and says “Dad, just got my driver’s license and would like to use the family car.”
Father replies, :”O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we’ll see.”
Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. “Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I’ve been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?”
Father replies, “That’s all true, but son you didn’t cut your hair.”
Son says, “But, dad, Jesus had long hair.”
Father replies, “Yes, son, you’re perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went.”
Filed at 2:06 am under Car and train jokes by admin
Policeman: Why were you speeding when I stopped you?
Motorist: So I could race home to get my license and registration.
Filed at 12:06 am under Car and train jokes by admin
A man was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked if he had anything to say in his defense.
“They shouldn’t put up such misleading notices,” said the man. “It said FINE FOR PARKING HERE.”
Filed at 10:06 am under Car and train jokes by admin
A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road. As they passed each other, the woman leaned out the window and yelled, “Pig!”
The man immediately leaned out his window and replied, “Moron!”
They continue on their way and as the man rounded the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
Filed at 6:06 am under Car and train jokes by admin
Q: What kind of a car does a crazy man drive?
A: A LOCOmotive.
Filed at 10:06 pm under Car and train jokes by admin
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.
Filed at 6:06 pm under Car and train jokes by admin
What did the jack say to the car?
“Can I give you a lift?”
Filed at 4:06 pm under Car and train jokes by admin
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Filed at 2:06 am under Car and train jokes by admin
Kelly was standing in front of Cohan’s Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street. He ran to the car, jumped in, and pulled on the emergency brake with a jerk.
Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him, “I stopped it!”
“I know, you idiot!” said the man. “I was pushing it!”
Filed at 6:06 pm under Car and train jokes by admin
Policeman: Why didn’t you stop at that red light?
Motorist: Then you would have caught up with me.
Filed at 4:06 pm under Car and train jokes by admin
You know all that talk about backseat driving?
Well, I’ve been driving all my life and can safely say that I’ve never heard a word from the back seat. What kind of car do you drive?
A hearse!
Filed at 2:06 am under Car and train jokes by admin
Why is an old car like a baby playing?
Because it goes with a rattle.
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