Filed at 12:06 pm under Divorce jokes by admin
Q. What do a hurricane, a tornado, and a redneck divorce all have in common?
A. Someone’s going to lose their trailer…
Filed at 2:06 am under Divorce jokes by admin
A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself. “Sorry, he doesn’t live here anymore, we’re divorced!”
Next day, the guy does the same thing with the same results. He does this everyday for a week, and finally his ex-wife realizes who it is that keeps calling.
“Look, Bozo! We’re divorced! Finito! End of story! When are you going to get that through your fat head?”
“Oh, I know! I just can’t hear it enough!”
Filed at 10:06 am under Divorce jokes by admin
Did you hear about the lawyer whose divorce ended up in a nasty custody fight about a dog?
When the lawyer won, the dog bit him.
Filed at 6:06 pm under Divorce jokes by admin
My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
Filed at 6:06 am under Divorce jokes by admin
Ralph was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager, “How much is that new Barbie in the window?”
The Manager replied, “Which one? We have Barbie goes to the gym for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie goes shopping for $19.95, Barbie goes to the beach for $19.95, Barbie goes to the Nightclub for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $375.00.”
“Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?!?”, Ralph asked surprised.
The Manager replies, “Well, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s car, Ken’s House, Ken’s boat, Ken’s dog, Ken’s cat and Ken’s furniture.”
Filed at 10:06 am under Divorce jokes by admin
The divorce court was attentive as the wealthy Yuppette complained to the Judge that her husband had left her bed and board. When she had finished, the husband’s lawyer rose to his feet and coolly replied, “Your Honor, I have a slight correction in the typing of the charging documents. My client claims that he left her bed ‘bored’.”
Filed at 10:06 am under Divorce jokes by admin
Definition of Divorce: The future tense of marriage.
Filed at 8:06 am under Divorce jokes by admin
Mrs. Caroline Squires of Cincinnati filed for a divorce from her husband in 1949 on grounds of desertion. She testified he’d stepped out “for a beer” on the Fourth of July, 1917, and had never come back.
Filed at 8:06 pm under Divorce jokes by admin
A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, “Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce.”
“Because,” the man says,”I live in a two-story house.”
The Judge replies, “What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?”
The man answers, “Well Judge, one story is ‘I have a headache’ and the other story is ‘It’s that time of the month.’”
Filed at 2:06 am under Divorce jokes by admin
Ruby Alice walked up to the desk of a Bowling Green motel and signed the register with the letter “O.”
“Why’d you put that circle down?” asked the clerk.
“Cause Ah can’t write,” replied the girl.
“Why don’t you sign with an ‘X’?” asked the man.
“Ah used to,” she answered. “But when Ah got me a divorce, Ah took back mah maiden name!”
Filed at 10:06 am under Divorce jokes by admin
A ninety-year-old couple decide to get a divorce. They go to the judge and say, “Judge, we want a divorce.”
The judge says, “You’ve been married 70 years and now you want to get a divorce? Why did you wait so long?”
The couple say in unison, “Well, we wanted to wait until the kids were dead.”
Filed at 2:06 pm under Divorce jokes by admin
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
Filed at 8:06 am under Divorce jokes by admin
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she’ll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, “Who the hell was that?”
“Oh,” replies the husband, “she’s my mistress.”
“Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. “I’ve had enough, I want a divorce.”
“I can understand that,” replies her husband, “but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infinities and Lexuses in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.”
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. “Who’s that woman with Jim? ” asks the wife.
“That’s his mistress,” says her husband.
“Ours is prettier,” she replies.
Filed at 8:06 pm under Divorce jokes by admin
Speaking of divorce (I was), this woman petitions the court for a divorce on the grounds that her husband “beats her.” The Judge, wanting every detail asked how often it was he beat the woman.
“Every damn time your Honor,” she sighed, “Every damn time !”
Filed at 10:06 pm under Divorce jokes by admin
I have this friend who has a real dilemma. His wife won’t give him adivorce until she figures out a way of doing it without making him a happy man.
Filed at 2:06 am under Divorce jokes by admin
Two men are talking. The first sez, “I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes.”
“Amazing,” said the second, “I just got divorced for the very same reasons.”
Filed at 2:06 am under Divorce jokes by admin
Question: What’s the major cause of divorce?
Answer: Once is not enough.
Filed at 2:06 am under Divorce jokes by admin
Miss DeAngelo was a none-too-bright young woman who had moved to Hollywood with dreams of becoming a star. She didn’t find fame or glory, but she did encounter plenty of men willing to enjoy her plentiful charms, and soon she found herself called to testify in a divorce case. When it was her turn on the stand, the lawyer came forward. “Miss DeAngelo, the wife of the defendant has identified you as the ‘other woman’ in her husband’s life. Now, do you admit that you went to the Pricerite Motel with this Mr. Evans?”
“Well, yes,” acknowledged Miss DeAngelo with a sniff, “but I couldn’t help it.”
“Couldn’t help it?” asked the lawyer derisively. “How’s that?”
“Mr. Evans deceived me.”
“Exactly what do you mean?”
“See, when we signed in,” she explained, “he told the motel clerk I was his wife.”
Filed at 4:06 am under Divorce jokes by admin
Question: Why is divorce so expensive?
Answer: Because it’s worth it.
Filed at 8:06 pm under Divorce jokes by admin
A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce.”
The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.
She then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and he’s a better lover than you.”
Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels.
She says, “I want the house.” Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.
She says, “I want the kids too.” The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he’s up to 80 mph.
She says, “I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too.” The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, “Is there anything you want?”
The husband says, “No, I’ve got everything I need right here.”
She asks, “What’s that?”
The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, “I’ve got the airbag!”
