Doctor and nurse jokes #117

Filed at 12:06 pm under Doctor and nurse jokes by admin

Doctor, Doctor I’m on a diet and it’s making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off.

Oh dear, that’s a lot of calories!

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Doctor and nurse jokes #116

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A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.

“Excuse me,” he said, “have you lost something?”

“No,” replied one of the doctors. “We’re doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone.”

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Doctor and nurse jokes #115

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Doctor, Doctor I think I’m an adder

Great, can you help me with my accounts then please!

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Doctor and nurse jokes #114

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Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I’m a dog.

Sit on the couch and we will talk about it. But I’m not allowed up on the couch!

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Doctor and nurse jokes #113

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Doctor, Doctor I’ve got wind! Can you give me something?

Yes - here’s a kite!

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Doctor and nurse jokes #112

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Doctor, Doctor my husband smells like fish Poor sole!

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Doctor and nurse jokes #111

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A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.

John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?

Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.

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Doctor and nurse jokes #110

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1) Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator?

Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.

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Doctor and nurse jokes #109

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What is a double-blind study?

Two orthopaedists reading an electrocardiogram.

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Doctor and nurse jokes #108

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Doctor, Doctor I’ve just swallowed a pen

Well sit down and write your name!

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Doctor and nurse jokes #107

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Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?!

Stick your foot out and trip it up!

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Doctor and nurse jokes #106

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Did you hear about the two podiatrists who opened their offices on the same street?

They were arch enemies.

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Doctor and nurse jokes #105

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Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I’m invisible

Who said that?

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Doctor and nurse jokes #104

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At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands. After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom.

Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. After the sex session, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands.

As she comes back the male doctor says, “I bet you are a surgeon”. She confirms and asks how he knew.

“Easy, you’re always washing your hands.”

She then says, “I bet you’re an anesthesiologist.”

Male doctor: “Wow, how did you guess?”

Female doctor: “I didn’t feel a thing.”

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Doctor and nurse jokes #103

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Doctor, Doctor I think I’m a yo-yo.

Are you stringing me along!

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Doctor and nurse jokes #102

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How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in.

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Doctor and nurse jokes #101

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A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital. “This will be the most hazardous section in the hospital for you. The men on this floor are almost well.”

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Doctor and nurse jokes #100

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Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wig-wam.

You’re too tents.

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Doctor and nurse jokes #99

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Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains

Well pull yourself together then

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Doctor and nurse jokes #98

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Doctor, Doctor I think I’m a butterfly

Will you say what you mean and stop flitting about!

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Doctor and nurse jokes #97

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Doctor, Doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage.

Don’t talk rubbish!

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Doctor and nurse jokes #96

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What kind of physician works on a cruise liner?

A dry doc.

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Doctor and nurse jokes #95

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Doctor these pills you gave me for BO…

What’s wrong with them?

They keep slipping out from under my arms!

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Doctor and nurse jokes #94

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A nurse had to take a patient back to her room after surgery. Woman was still feeling the effects of the anesthetic and was rather confused. After nurse had made her comfortable, she was confronted with four of woman friends who asked, “How is she?”

The nurse replied, “Oh, she’s quite dopey.”

One of the friends said, “We know that, but how is she healthwise?”

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Doctor and nurse jokes #93

Filed at 10:06 pm under Doctor and nurse jokes by admin

A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there.

The man complains, “I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.”

The receptionist asks, “Have you ever seen a doctor?” and the man replies, “No, just spots.”

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