Fred’s new girlfriend uses such greasy lipstick that he has to sprinkle his face with sand to get a better grip.

Did you hear about the witch who was so ugly that when a tear rolls down her cheek it takes one look at her face and rolls straight up again?

What is the hottest part of a man’s face?

His sideburns.

Boy monster: You’ve got a face like a million dollars !

Girl monster: Have I really ?

Boy monster: Yes - it’s green and wrinkly !

Patient: The trouble is, doctor, I keep pulling ugly faces.

Doctor: Don’t worry, I don’t expect anyone will notice.

You can read his mind in his face.

Yes, it’s usually a complete blank.

What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter?

The producer said she had the perfect face for radio.

Fred: Do you like my new hairstyle?

Harry: In as much as it covers most of your face, yes.

Why did the pig have ink all over his face?

Because it came out of the pen.

Why is your face all scratched ?

My girlfriend said it with flowers. How romantic. Not really, she hit me round the head with a bunch of thorny roses !

Two boys were watching TV when the fabulous face and figure of Pamela Anderson appeared on the screen. “if I ever stop hating girls,” said one to the other, “I think I’ll stop hating her first.”

Fred: Your sister uses too much make-up.

Harry: Do you think so?

Fred: Yes. It’s so thick that if you tell her a joke, five minutes after she’s stopped laughing her face is still smiling!

What is grey and hairy and lives on a man’s face?

A mousetache.

Teacher: What a glum face, what would you say if I came to school with a face like yours ?

Pupil: I’d be too polite to mention it !

A woman just back from Arizona was telling her friends about the trip.

“When my husband first saw the Grand Canyon, his face dropped a mile,” she said.

“Why, was he disappointed with the view?”

“No, he fell over the edge.”

Once there was a church that had a bell that no one could ring. One day, a boy came and asked the priest if he could try. So the boy went up into the tower and ran straight into the bell, face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear. The shocked priest gave him the job. But one Sunday, he ran straight toward the bell with his face and missed and fell off the tower and died.

“Congregation,” the priest said before the assembled masses. “Does anybody know this boy’s name? Because I don’t know him, but his face rings a bell.”

A little boy came running into the kitchen. “Dad, dad,” he said, “there’s a monster at the door with a really ugly face.”

“Tell him you’ve already got one,” said his father.

Louise was watching her big sister covering her face with cream.

“What’s that for?” she asked.

“To make me beautiful,” came the reply.

Louise then watched in silence as she wiped her face clean.

“Doesn’t work, does it?” was her comment.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.

Boy: You’ve got a face like a million dollars.

Girl: Have I really?

Boy: Yes ? it’s green and wrinkly.

Witch: Doctor, I can’t help pulling ugly faces.

Doctor: Well there’s nothing terrible about that.

Witch: It is when the people with ugly faces don’t like them being pulled.

Fred: You have the face of a saint.

Jill: Really? Which one?

Fred: A Saint Bernard.

I don’t know where you got your face from, but i hope you have the receipt.

How did your mom know you hadn’t washed your face?
I forgot to wet the soap.

Why is your nose in the middle of your face?

Because it is the scenter (centre).