Why are fish so smart?

They are always in schools!

MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O’Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on afternoon, his cousin walked by.

“What are ye doing?” asked O’Bannon.

“Fishin’,” said MacAndrews.

“Caught anything?”

“Ach, nae a bite,”

“What are ye usin’ fer bait?”

“Worms”

“Let me see it,” said O’Bannon.

MacAndrews lifted the line from the water and handed it to his cousin. O’Bannon took out his flask of potcheen and dipped the worm in it. He handed it back to MacAndrews, who cast his line once more. As soon as the worm hit the water, his rod bent over double, the line screaming out.

“Have ye got a bite?” asked O’Bannon.

“No!” shouted MacAndrews, fighting with the rod, “The worm’s got a salmon by the throat!”

Why do penguins eat fish?

Because donuts get soggy before they can catch them.

Why are fish cleverer than humans?

Ever seen a fish spend a fortune trying to hook a human?

What is the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student?

One baits his hook, the other hates his book.

One day, two guys Joe and Bob were out fishing. A funeral service passes over the bridge they’re fishing by, and Bob takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by.

Joe then said “Gee Bob, I didn’t know you had it in you!”

Bob then replies ” It’s the least I could do. After all I was married to her for 30 years.”

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him.

He asked his father, “How does this boat float?”

The father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.”

A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish breath underwater?”

Once again the father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.”

A little later the boy asked his father, “Why is the sky blue?”

Again, the father repied. “Don’t rightly know son.”

Finally, the boy asked his father, “Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?”

The father replied, “Of course not, you don’t ask questions, you never learn nothin’.”

Heard the one about the three blondes that went ice fishing and didn’t catch anything?

By the time they cut a hole big enough for the boat to fit in it was time to go home.

Three fishermen were fishing when they came upon a mermaid, the mermaid offered them one wish each so the first fisherman said: “double my I.Q” so the mermaid did it and to his surprise he started reciting shakespeare.

Then the second fisherman said: “triple my I.Q.” and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started doing math problems he didn’t know existed.

The third fisherman was so impressed he asked the mermaid to quadruple his I.Q and the mermaid said “Are you sure about this? It will change your whole life!” the fisherman said “yes” so the mermaid turned him into a woman

What do you call a fish with no eyes ?

Fish !

Have you seen the new fishing website?

No, it’s not online yet.

How do fish go into business ?

The start on a small scale !

Why are gold fish orange ?

The water makes them rusty !

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, “I’m bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn’t have any worries about being eaten…”

Fisherman: What are you fishing for sonny?

Boy: I’m not fishing, I’m drowning worms.

What kind of money do fishermen make ?

Net profits !

What will santa bring your fish this christmas?

A scale letrix!

Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea ?

Jack the kipper !

If you’re fishing on ice, you should never tell a joke on ice. WHY???

The ice will crack up!

Three priests were fishing on a boat when they ran out of bait. The first priest got up and walk across the water to get some more bait. After 2 hours they ran out of bait again and the second priest said he would go get more bait…so he got up and walk across the water.

After 3 hours of fishing they ran out of bait again and the third priest said he would get more bait. So he stepped out of the boat and went straight to the bottom. The first priest turned to the second priest and asked, “Should we have told him where the rocks were? “

What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much ?

A beer-a-cuda !

How do you communicate with a fish?

You drop it a line!

Where do fish come from?

Finland!

What was the name of Tom Sawyer’s fish?

Huckleberry Fin!

Q. What is the difference between a fish and a piano?

A. You can’t tuna fish.