Food jokes #82

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Fred: I thought there was a choice for lunch today.

Cook: There is.

Fred: No, there isn’t. There’s only cheese pie.

Cook: You can choose to eat it or leave it.

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Food jokes #81

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Q. What did the salt say to the pepper?

A. Hey Baby, what’s SHAKING!

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Food jokes #80

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I went to see my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking.

What did he say?

He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate.

Did that do any good?

No - I can’t get the chocolate to light.

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Food jokes #79

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How can you tell the difference between a can of chicken soup and a can of tomato soup?

Read the label.

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Food jokes #78

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“May I take your order?” the waiter asked.

“Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?”

“Nothing special sir,” he replied. “We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”

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Food jokes #77

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Camper: There’s something wrong with my hot dog.

Cook: Don’t tell me. I’m not a veterinarian.

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Food jokes #76

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What’s the difference between a homeless and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

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Food jokes #75

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What musical instrument goes with cheese?

Picklelo.

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Food jokes #74

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At a party, a conjurer was producing egg after egg from a little boy’s ear.

“There!” he said proudly. “I bet your Mum can’t produce eggs without hens, can she?”

“Oh yes, she can,” said the boy. “She keeps ducks.”

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Food jokes #73

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What vegetable needs a plumber?

A leek.

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Food jokes #72

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Knock Knock

Who’s there !

Beef !

Beef who ?

Beef fair now !

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Food jokes #71

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Did you hear about the teacher who was trying to instil good table manners in her girls?

She told them that a well brought girl never crumbles her bread or rolls in her soup.

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Food jokes #70

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Do you feel like a glass of carrot juice?

Why? Do I look like one?

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Food jokes #69

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Q: What do you call a fake noodle?

A: An Impasta.

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Food jokes #68

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A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

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Food jokes #67

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What’s the difference between a vampire and a cookie?

You can’t dip a vampire in your tea.

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Food jokes #66

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Have you got any broken biscuits?

Yes, I have.

Well, you shouldn’t be so clumsy!

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Food jokes #65

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A tourist walked into a fish and chip shop in Ireland.

“I’ll have fish and chips twice,” he orders.

“Sure, I heard you the first time,” came the reply.

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Food jokes #64

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Sign in restaurant window: “Eat now - Pay waiter.”

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Food jokes #63

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The snack bar next door to an atom smasher was called “The Fission Chips.”

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Food jokes #62

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What’s the difference between a biscuit and a monster?

You can dip a biscuit in your tea, but a monster is too big to fit in the cup.

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Food jokes #61

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In February 1994 in New Brighton, Minn., a 32-year-old man and his 24-year-old girlfriend were arrested after a food fight in a grocery store. After arguing loudly, the couple began throwing sweet potatoes at each other. Eventually, the man allegedly threw the woman into several vegetable racks, sending the contents spilling to the floor. As both continued to brawl on the floor, she allegedly stuffed lettuce into the man’s mouth.

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Food jokes #60

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Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water?

A: Just spell “Evian” backwards!

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Food jokes #59

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The American tourist in Dublin had been complaining a great deal about the food.

“Here,” he said to the waitress holding out a piece of meat for inspection, “do you call that pig?”

“Which end of the fork, sir?” the waitress asked sweetly.

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Food jokes #58

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Q: What did one strawberry say to the other?

A:”Look at the jam you’ve gotten us into!”

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