Q: What do birds give out on Halloween?

A: Tweets.

What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Christmas?

A ghoul Yule!

Why did the wizard wear a yellow robe to the Halloween party?

He was going as a banana.

What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party?

No one moved. They couldn’t stir without her.

How do zombies celebrate Halloween?

They paint the town dead!

A Toledo man was admitted to the city hospital last night with severe burns after dunking for French fries at a Halloween party.

At 5 P.M. one Halloween afternoon, my dental hygienist realized that she wouldn’t make it to the store in time to get snacks for trick-or-treaters. So she took home some free samples from the office supply cabinet. That night she handed out dozens of toothbrushes, toothpaste, and dental floss. The next year, although she had bags of chips and popcorn, not one child came knocking at her door.

Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?

Because so many witches are sweeping the sky.

What do you call a bug that bothers dogs on Halloween?

A trick-or-fleat!

Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween ?

It was for ‘tick or tweet’ !

Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?

Because so many witches are sweeping the sky.

What do witches eat at Halloween ?

Spooketti, halloweenies, devils food cake and booberry pie !

Q: What’s Osama Bin Laden going to be for Halloween?

A: Dead.

What is a childs’s favourite type of Halloween candy?

Lots a candy.

What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Independence Day?

The Fourth of Ghoul-ly!

Why were the trick-or-treaters wearing grass skirts?

Because it was Hulaween!

What kind of make up was the girl wearing on Halloween?

Mash-scara!

A boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet over his head.

“Are you here as a ghost?” asked his friends.

“No,” he replied, “I’m an unmade bed.”

Another boy wore a sheet over his head.

“Are you an unmade bed?” asked his friends.

“No, I’m an undercover agent,” he replied.

What do stupid kids do at Halloween ?

They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins !

Why aren’t burgers the least bit scared of Halloween?

They’re used to people ‘goblin’ them!

What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party ?

No one moved. They couldn’t stir without her.

What do witches eat at Halloween?

Spook-etti, Halloweenies, Devil’s food cake and Boo-berry pie.

One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes.

She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman said, “what are you supposed to say sweetheart?”

The little girl looks up at the woman and says “Twick or Tweat!”

The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, “Go ahead honey say it just one more time.”

Once again the little Angel looks up and says, “Twick or Tweat!”

The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the little girl’s Treat Bag.

The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says, “Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my f**king cookies!”

Where’s the most dangerous place to go trick-or-treating?

On the psycho path!

What kind of protozoa likes Halloween?

An amoeboo!