Young Bradley arrived at his date’s house wearing a shirt that had water dripping from it.

“What’re you doin’?” asked his girlfriend. “How come your shirt is soakin’ wet?”

“Well,” said Bradley, “it said on the label: WASH AND WEAR.”

After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic.

My boss said, “Really? Where is Monosyllabia?”.

Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia.

He replied, “Oh, you mean over by Croatia?”

“How come you’re only watering half your lawn?” a perplexed tourist asked a Richmond resident.

“I just heard there was a fifty percent chance of rain.”

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up.

Did you hear about the stupid water-polo player?

His horse drowned . . .

Did you hear about the idiot who made his chickens drink boiling water?

He thought they would lay hard boiled eggs.

Guidry called in Plotke, the painter, for an estimate to paint his house.

“How much you gonna charge me?” asked Guidry.

“Twenty dollars an hour,” replied Plotke.

“Good Lord!” exclaimed the home owner. “I wouldn’t pay Michelangelo that price!”

“I tell you one thing, mister,” said the painter. “If that guy you mentioned is doin’ the job for less, he ain’t no member of our union!”

Tyfus applied for a job in a factory. The company doctor who was giving him a physical asked, “Have your eyes ever been checked?”

“No,” said the worker. “They’ve always been brown.”

Why did the idiot drive his pickup truck over the side of the cliff?

He wanted to try out his new air brakes.

Did you hear about the Irishman who tried to swim the English channel?

Halfway across he decided he couldn’t make it so he swam back.

“Can you read Chinese?”

“Yes, but only when it’s printed in English.”

Personnel Director: What would you do if you broke your arm in two places?

Vanderkron: I wouldn’t go to these places no more!

Q: How many idiots who ask stupid questions does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Change it to what?

“Why do rednecks act like such morons?”

“Who says they’re acting?”

How do Alaska CB radio operators say “10-4″?

“5-5-2-2.”

When a small Montana village decided to buy a new fire truck, the town council met to decide what to do with the old one. Randall, an old rancher, stood up. “Ah think we should keep the old truck,” he said. “We can use it for all them false alarms!”

Did you hear about the idiot who planted Cheerios in his backyard?

He thought they were donut seeds.

Sister: Why are you putting the saddle on backward ?

Brother: How do you know which way I’m going ?

Then there was the Puerto Rican surgeon who made medical history. He performed the first appendix transplant.

An idiotic laborer was told by an equally idiotic foreman to dig a hole in the road.

“And what shall I do with the earth, sir?” asked the laborer.

“Don’t be daft, man,” he replied. “Just dig another hole and bury it.”

The teacher asked a Louisiana teenager to count to five. The youngster proceeded to count to five on his fingers.

Then the teacher asked, “Can you count any higher?”

The boy raised his hands over his head and counted to five again.

Doctor: That deafness cure help your brother?

Archie: Sure did! He hadn’t heard a sound in years, and the very day after he took that medicine, he heard from America!

Did you hear about the dimwit who was so dumb he thought Gatorade was welfare for crocodiles?

Did you hear about the Baton Rouge bride who cancelled the wedding when she heard her friends were planning to give her a shower?

Did you hear about the hillbilly who asked his friends to give him their burnt-out light bulbs. He wanted to start a dark room.