What is big, hairy and can fly faster than sound?

King Koncord.

Who is the smelliest, hairiest monarch in the world?

King Pong.

How do you catch King Kong?

Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.

What do you get if King Kong falls down a mine shaft?

A flat miner.

What should you do if you are on a picnic with King Kong?

Give him the biggest bananas.

What is big hairy and can fly ?

King Kongcorde !

What do you get if King Kong sits on your piano?

A flat note.

What do you do if you fiend King Kong in the kitchen?

Just don’t monkey with him.

How can you mend King Kong’s arm if he’s twisted it?

With a monkey wrench.

What do you get if you cross King Kong with a giant frog?

A monster that climbs up the Empire State Building and catches aeroplanes with its tongue.

If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping pong and died. What would they put on his coffin ?

A lid !

What’s big and hairy and climbs up the Empire State Building in a dress?

Queen Kong.

What do you get if you cross King Kong with a watchdog?

A terrified postman.

What is as big as King Kong but doesn’t weigh anything?

King Kong’s shadow.

If King Kong came to England why would he live in the Tower of London?

Because he’s a beef-eater.

What did King Kong say when he saw the Statue of Liberty?

“Are you my mother?”

Where does King Kong sleep?

Anywhere he wants to.

Why did King Kong paint the bottoms of his feet brown?

So that he could hide upside down in a jar of peanut butter.

What do you do if King Kong sits in front of you at the cinema?

Miss most of the film!

What’s brown and furry on the inside and clear on the outside?

King Kong in clingfilm

What did the big ape say when he dialed incorrectly?

“Oops! King Kong ring wrong.”

If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping-gong and died, what would they put on his coffin?

A lid.

What happened when King Kong swallowed Big Ben?

He found time-consuming.

Why didn’t King Kong go to Hong Kong?

He didn’t like Chinese food.

If you crossed King Kong and a bell, what would you have?

A ding-dong King Kong.