Why do people leave letters at the football ground ?

They want to catch the last goal-post !

His girlfriend returned all his letters.

I bet she marked them “second class male !”

Why did the boy jump up and down on the letter?

He heard that you have to stamp letters or the post office won’t send them.

An Irishman went into a post office to see if there were any letters for him.

“I’ll see, sir,” said the clerk. “What is your name?”

“You’re having me on now because I’m Irish,” said the Irishman.

“Won’t you see the name on the envelope?”

Betty was scribbling industriously over some paper with a pencil when her mother asked her what she was drawing.

“I’m not drawing, Mom,” she said indignantly, “I’m writing a letter to Fred.”

“But you can’t write,” Mom pointed out.

“That’s all right,” said Betty, “Fred can’t read.”

Who does Dracula get letters from?

His fang club.

Teacher: Fred, give me a sentence starting with “I.”

Fred: I is . . .

Teacher: No, Fred. You must always say “I am.”

Fred: Oh, right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Why is the letter N the most powerful letter?

Because it is in the middle of TNT.

Which two letters of the alphabet are nothing?

MT (empty) .

Q: Why did the witch’s mail rattle?

A: It was a chain letter.

Braxton and Hollis had jobs at a California cotton mill. One morning the foreman came along and found Braxton reading a letter to his coworker.

“Hey,” cried the foreman, “what kind a horseplay you two guys up to?”

“Hollis got a letter from his girlfriend,” explained Braxton, “but he can’t read; so Ah’m readin’ the letter for him.”

“How come you got the cotton in your ears?”

“Hollis don’t want me to hear what his girlfriend writ to him!”

How many letters are there in the alphabet?

Eleven. T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

What do snakes write on the bottom of their letters?

With love and hisses.

What letters are not in the alphabet?

The ones in the mail, of course!

What letter should you avoid?

The letter A because it makes men mean.

What did the werewolf write at the bottom of the letter?

Best vicious . . .

Josh sent a letter to his folks. He told about a ten-mile hike he had taken. His father wrote back saying, ‘In my day I thought nothing of walking ten miles.’

Josh wrote back, ‘To tell the truth, I didn’t think much of it either.’

What’s the definition of a school report?

A poison pen letter from the principal.

What did the stamp say to the envelope?

“I’ve become attached to you.”

What two letters do you say when you answer the phone?

LO

I got an anonymous letter today.

Oh, really - who was it from?!

What word grows smaller when you add two letters to it?

Add “er” to short and it becomes shorter.

What two words have thousands of letters in them?

Post office.

Which two letters are rotten for your teeth?

D K

Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and upon reading it burst into floods of tears.

“What’s the matter?” asked her companion.

“Oh dear,” sobbed Auntie, “It’s my favorite nephew. He’s got three feet.”

“Three feet?” exclaimed her friend. “Surely that’s not possible?”

“Well,” said Auntie, “his mother’s just written to tell me he’s grown another foot !”