Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt.

Harry: That’s what I’m afraid of!

How can you double your money?

Look at it in a mirror.

Where do bees keep their money?

In a honey box.

Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open?

She’d read there was going to be some change in the weather.

What did the man do when he got a big gas bill?

He exploded.

If a fifty cent piece and a quarter were on the Empire State Building, which would jump off first?

The quarter, because it has less sense (cents).

When does a female deer need money?

When she doesn’t have a buck.

How do thunderstorms invest their money?

In a combination of liquid assets and frozen assets

A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, “If it weren’t for my money, we wouldn’t be here at all!”

The wife replied, “My dear, if it weren’t for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn’t on a honeymoon, nor would there be any “we” in the first place.”

What kind of money do monsters use?

Weirdo (weird dough).

Q:Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

A:(’He wanted cold hard cash!’)

Why did Robin Hood steal from the rich ?

Because the poor didn’t have any !

Why shouldn’t you carry two half dollars in your pocket?

Because two halves make a whole (hole), and you could lose your money.

What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire?

A very witch person.

The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from.

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said:

Dear Lord,
Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

How can a can you double your money?

By folding it in half.

William: May I have some money for the man crying outside ?

Mum: What crying man ?

William: The one that’s crying, ‘Ice cream! Ice Cream !’

Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player?

Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.

A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong. “Ohhh, it’s my girlfriend.”

“What’s the problem?”

“When I asked her if she could learn to love me, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education.”

Why are diapers like $10 bills?

Because you have to change them.

Where do trees keep their money?

In branch banks.

Why is money called dough?

Because we all knead it.

Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?

No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.

Farmer: What would you do if a bull charged you?

Mary: I’d pay whatever it charged.